You're gonna miss this

I was thinking about life, past and present and future. And I remember a time when I was always looking to the next event. Isn't that how we all seem to live? When is the next birthday? When will I meet her? When will I get married, have kids, find the right job? Am i ever gonna be 21? When I get out of here (fill in the blank). But talking to my grandparents and my parents, they tend to wish they were right back where we are when they were our age. Everyone wants to be somewhere else. But not me....

I like where I am! I don't think I'd want to move through life any faster or have anything different. Sure there are days I wish I had more money to pay for school or a boyfriend or my old church family back. But this is the moment God wants me to be in. Here and now is where He wants me to be. So I'm gonna live in it. I''m gonna revel in it. What good does it do to wish I had some of my old friends or wish I didn't have the drama I do now. What good does it do pining after a wedding day that in all reality may never come. Or a job a may never have. God has something better planned for me. No matter what I dream up, it's going to be different. I can picture myself at the altar or at a desk or with a child in my arms, but it's gonna be so different. So much better if God lets it be so. He knows me better than I know myself and He knows what I need. And He's giving me what I need right here, right now. No more, no less. And I'm happy. I'm happy being single. I'm happy at APU. I'm happy learning. I'm happy with the friends God gave me. Sure, that doesn't mean things can't change. If God gave me a boyfriend, moved me to a different school, gave me different friends, I'd be ok with that after I got used to it. Sure it would be a lot to deal with, for good or bad. But not all change is bad. All I know is that I am loved; I am safe; I am blessed. So blessed. I don't want to be anywhere but here. God will give me all of those things when He thinks I need them. But for now I sit here and wait patiently, contenly, in this bliss.

I'll Be Home for Christmas

So this blog was going to be something completely different and then a friend of mine started talking to me and I realized that I can't complain without feeling guilty about it. I have realized that I tend to whine about going home because of my lack of friends there. But I am going to make the best of it. I mean, I get to spend time with my family now. I can actually connect with my brother and figure out what is going through his thick head and get him to straighten up his act :) And my sister, man, I want to read some of her sick stories! Vampires and bubble worlds, come on (Arrested Development just for you, Eric)! Who doesn't want to read that!?! Maybe I'll finally get used to my littlest brother's quirkiness and little punk attitude. Or I could help my dad pick locks (not really but yes). Or read over my mom's essays for her class (which she is always afraid of failing and yet gets nothing less than 95%). I could play with my dogs instead of passing them by like I usually do. But I think the thing that I am most excited for is Christmas. Not even the gifts or the food this year (in fact I am pretty sure I didn't even tell anyone what I wanted for Christmas....actually, pretty sure I didn't even make a list in my head). I'm excited for my outlook on Christmas this year. We had a chapel a little over a week ago about Jesus (surprise surprise!), but I got something new out of it that I never really paid attention to before. I should have; it's actually a huge part of the story, but this year it actually hit me that God was a baby. A tiny infant held all the divine power of the universe. A child.....I just can't even wrap my head around it. I wonder what he was thinking as a baby...did he still have the mind of divinity and was unable to communicate besides like that of a baby? Could he comprehend in that moment what his purpose on that earth was? Did he even understand it as a young child? Was he afraid then? Did he ever doubt and wish he could take it back? I guess I won't know until I am in heaven. I'm ok with that. But this year I get to think about all that going into the story. I might actually enjoy the nativity story that my dad reads on Christmas story instead of saying I'd heard it a million times before. My goal, my wish this year is to find something new that I can take into my relationship with God. Something that maybe reveals a little more about my Savior that I never saw before. It's my hope....