I was thinking about life, past and present and future. And I remember a time when I was always looking to the next event. Isn't that how we all seem to live? When is the next birthday? When will I meet her? When will I get married, have kids, find the right job? Am i ever gonna be 21? When I get out of here (fill in the blank). But talking to my grandparents and my parents, they tend to wish they were right back where we are when they were our age. Everyone wants to be somewhere else. But not me....
I like where I am! I don't think I'd want to move through life any faster or have anything different. Sure there are days I wish I had more money to pay for school or a boyfriend or my old church family back. But this is the moment God wants me to be in. Here and now is where He wants me to be. So I'm gonna live in it. I''m gonna revel in it. What good does it do to wish I had some of my old friends or wish I didn't have the drama I do now. What good does it do pining after a wedding day that in all reality may never come. Or a job a may never have. God has something better planned for me. No matter what I dream up, it's going to be different. I can picture myself at the altar or at a desk or with a child in my arms, but it's gonna be so different. So much better if God lets it be so. He knows me better than I know myself and He knows what I need. And He's giving me what I need right here, right now. No more, no less. And I'm happy. I'm happy being single. I'm happy at APU. I'm happy learning. I'm happy with the friends God gave me. Sure, that doesn't mean things can't change. If God gave me a boyfriend, moved me to a different school, gave me different friends, I'd be ok with that after I got used to it. Sure it would be a lot to deal with, for good or bad. But not all change is bad. All I know is that I am loved; I am safe; I am blessed. So blessed. I don't want to be anywhere but here. God will give me all of those things when He thinks I need them. But for now I sit here and wait patiently, contenly, in this bliss.
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and right when you think that that one blessing won't even happen God gives you the BEST! the BEST OF THE BEST! exactly what you needed!
sigh... i'm so glad he knows me better than i do. cause i make horrible choices on those kinds of things.
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