Human nature

Why do I have to be human? Why do I have to have flaws? Why can't I be as strong as I want to be? Ugh! It frustrates me so much that I have to be weak at times. Why do those feelings creep up on me? I hate being jealous. It's sickening that I am. Here is something so beautiful and so obviously from God and I am sitting here wishing I didn't have to watch at times. I don't want it to end (Oh please, God, no!) in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I wish I could keep it here so it didn't have to leave for a while. I just wish that.....well, I wish I was content too. I was. I used to be...until some of those feelings I was talking about crept up on me. Not jealousy this time though. No this one has more to do with bliss and happiness. I just think it's being clouded by confusion and twisted by the jealousy. So, until I can figure out how to blow away the fog and wring out the jealousy, I'm doomed to this pitiful human nature. I sat in the hammock last night, out in the freezing cold (my toes were numb), crying out to God, asking Him for guidance, telling Him that I wasn't strong and that I didn't have the answers. It scares me, the future. I have so many words of comfort and guidance for the beautiful and obvious blessing. When it comes to that, God can't seem to STOP talking. But when it comes to me.......silence. Then my reality kicks in, the part of me that makes me who I am and I realize how much complaining I have just done. The guilt sets in, the shaking of my head in shame. I sit up a little straighter, remember not everything in life is fair. Remember that God has His own timing and remember that in no way shape or form has He forgotten about His little human daughter. sigh. I can do this.....with some help of course because there is no way I am as strong as people think I am. Inhale. Ready, set, GO!