Not forgotten

Beauty in brokenness. Beauty in worship. Beauty in God....

I sat on my porch yesterday looking at the hills and I wanted nothing more than to go Home. Not 15 minutes away to my family, but Home to my Father. I didn't want to die; I just wanted to be with my Savior. I wanted to be with my Jesus. Maia came and sat on the porch with me and I sobbed. "I want to go out to the middle of nowhere. I want to escape technology, traffic, noise, people. Anything and everything man-made. I'm sick of it. I want to be in Creation with YHWH. I don't feel Him here. I pray and I pray, but I don't hear anything anymore. It used to be so clear. I felt Him in my soul. I can't anymore." She told me that maybe I wasn't listening right and it just made me more upset. All I want it Jesus. Nothing here even matters. I started a blog on priorities, but never finished it. Basically, I was reflecting on how it was intriguing to me how priorities change so often and the things important to me today may not be so in a year, or even tomorrow. Then, on Friday, while watching Man Choir, Eternity hit me. What I mean is that I have these moments where Eternity dawns on me and I realize that forever has no end! Well, duh, right? But think about it. Everything we know in this world has an end. With God. There. Is. No. End. For-ever. Sometimes it hits me and I can't do anything but pray and be in awe of God. It made me realize that no matter how much I want or care about things in this life, nothing even comes a fraction of an inch close to eternity with YHWH. I can't WAIT for that. I am SO excited! But for now I am here and I have to revel in the beauty I find here. Maia told me that God is here in this man-made jungle dwelling in people. That is where I find my beauty. I already wrote about brokenness before God being the most beautiful thing and I am so blessed to be able to have witnessed that! But I found the second thing on Friday too. I love seeing people worship God in a setting that is not necessarily called for it. I have a friend in choir who worships God even while others around him are busy just singing words. He stands on the end of the riser with his eyes closed and I smile at the beauty of his openness with the Father. It is truly a beautiful thing. He doesn't know I've seen him and I dare not tell him because I feel like it is something so personal...but I know God speaks through moments like that. And He definitely spoke to me, showing me that He IS here among technology, traffic, and noise. He is here and He is watching out for me. I was so distraught yesterday, but I did what I do in those situations and I baked cookies for my friends. I don't even really like eating them a whole lot, but I love baking them with love and seeing people take delight in them. I made a double batch last night. Which is saying something. I still don't know why but God blessed me with something last night. He gave me a gift and I could almost hear Him saying, "Hey, kiddo. I'm still here. Don't even worry." My heart smiled with relief and comfort as I thanked jesus for remembering me. So, today I smile and dance. Today, I pray for my friends. Today, I laugh. Today, I worship. Today I fall in love with YHWH a little more. Today is definitely a Hope day, bordering on Love because Jesus is pouring it on me :)