Caring

What does it mean to care about someone? What does it mean to put their needs before your own? What if what you thought was really just a twisted version of caring? What if it wasn't seen as caring to someone else? What if other people saw it as selfish? What if other people saw it as boasting? What if other people still saw you as this amazing person that you know you are not? What if they thought that what you were doing was a blessing, but you just do it because you know you were meant to? Who's right? Who's wrong? What's true? What's false? How could we even begin to measure that, judge that? What if I'm doing this for the wrong reasons? What if I'm doing it to live vicariously?

But that's just one instance. Put yourself in the situation that you would change for anything in this world? What if it was the one person you wish you could make happy even if they never knew it was you? Would you do it? If you could change their entire circumstances, take away their pain, erase the brokenness....all without them knowing it was you, would you do it? What if they went running back to the brokenness? What then? Was it all for nothing? Could you watch them do that all over again? It sort of reminds me of God, in a way. He gives us this amazing love and a chance to erase away all the hurt. Yet, we constantly go back to it. How do we stop? How do we stay away from the things that break us? Why is it so darn difficult to keep our gaze on Him? Why is it that we run out of His arms in to the pain of this world? Why are we so....stubborn? .... that's it. Stubbornness. We're stubborn. We want to do it on our own. That explains it....I can't fix stubbornness. That's something you have to work through on you own. I'm not one to sway my opinion because of what other people think, especially in situations so close to my heart. I care. Bottom line. Take that as you will. Whether you think it is a blessing or a selfish act. I can't deny or agree either way because you each have your own opinions. I am the way I am. I am the way God created me to be. He gave me this tender heart to be there for the people who need me. So here I am; take it or leave it. i want to help. I want to be a support. I want to listen. I want to comfort. I want to carry. I want to be there.....but you have to let me. Until you do, I'm standing on the sidelines watching you run back to the pain. I ache for you. I wish it didn't have to be like this but you are being so damn stubborn. But, in the end, whether you like it or not, I care...